| Travel Quotes |
Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
-- Tommy Cooper
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"
-- Henny Youngman
Until you've learned to drive, you've never really learned how to swear.
-- Robert Paul
After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.
-- Anonymous
Some guy came running in the other night and said: "Somebody stole my car!" I said, "Did you see him?" He said, "No, but I got his license plate!"
-- Billy Barner
Dr. Evil: Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to my new submarine lair. It's long and hard and full of seamen.
-- Mike Myers – Austin Powers: Goldmember (2002)
I was stopped once for going 53 in a 35 mile zone, but I told em I had dyslexia.
-- Spanky
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
-- Tommy Cooper
In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
-- Robert Benchley - Pluck and Luck (1925)
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'
-- Tim Vine
It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
-- Dan Aykroyd - The Blues Brothers (1990)
I saw the most beautiful cars in the window of a dealership recently. A salesman came out and said: 'Come on in. They're bigger than ever and they last a lifetime!' Later I learned he was talking about the payments.
-- Corbett Monica
Dr. Rumack: “Can you fly this plane and land it?”
Ted Striker: “Surely you can't be serious.”
Dr. Rumack: “I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.”
-- Leslie Nielsen – Airplane (1980)
Cabbie: “Why don't you try the airlines? It's faster and you get a free meal.”
Steve Martin: “If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak.”
-- Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)
Say Lou. Did ya hear the one about the guy who couldn't afford personalized plates, so he went and changed his name to J3L 2404?
-- Frances McDormand - Fargo (1996)
I'm living on a one-way dead end street. I don't know how I got there.
-- Steven Wright
If Christ came back tomorrow, He'd have to change planes in Frankfurt. Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.
-- P. J. O'Rourke
The fastest way to travel is to be there already.
-- Terry Pratchet
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