| Parents Quotes |
My mother never saw the irony of calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
-- Rich Jeni
My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
-- Wendy Leibman
Colin is the sort of name you give your goldfish for a joke.
-- Colin Firth
When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.
-- Jeff Shaw
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
[whilst demonstrating an invention]
Crowd member: “Do you know anything about electricity?”
W. C. Fields: “Yes, my father occupied the chair of applied electricity at state prison.”
-- The Big Broadcast Of 1938 (1938)
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father 'I'm very sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through.'
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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