| Food Quotes |
I tried to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in it.
-- Lesley Boone
‘Can I have a table near the floor?’
’Certainly sir, I’ll have the waiter saw the legs off.’
-- Groucho Marx
I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education
-- Mark Twain – Pudd’nhead Wilson (1894)
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
-- Spike Milligan
I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
-- Eric Sykes
We've got to speed things up in this hotel. Chef, if a guest orders a three-minute egg, give it to him in two minutes. If he orders a two-minute egg, give it to him in one minute. If he orders a one-minute egg, give him a chicken and let him work it out for himself.
-- Groucho Marx - A Night in Casablanca (1946)
Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?
-- Billy Connolly
I went into a French restaurant and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
-- Tommy Cooper
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
-- Johnny Carson
Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?
-- Bobby Kelton
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
-- Mae West
I asked the barmaid for a quickie. The man next to me said, 'It's pronounced quiche'
-- Luigi Amaduzzi (on occassional perils of speaking a foreign language)
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
-- Jo Brand
I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
-- Tommy Cooper
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
-- Joe E. Lewis
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