| Death Quotes |
I think the easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.
-- Dennis Miller
I'm not afraid of death. It's the make-over at the undertaker's that scares me ... They try to make you look as lifelike as possible, which defeats the whole purpose. It's hard to feel bad for somebody who looks better than you do.
-- Anita Wise
I always wait for the Times each morning. I look at the obituary column and if I’m not in it, I go to work.
-- A. E. Matthews (quoted in Filmgoer's Book of Quotes, 1973)
I shall walk through the valley of death. In fact, now that I think of it, I shall run through the valley of death.
Woody Allen - Love and Death (1975)
There are worse things than death. If you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know exactly what I mean.
-- Woody Allen - Love and Death (1975)
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
-- Garrison Keillor
Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage..
-- Madeleine Kahn - Clue (1985)
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
-- Woody Allen
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
-- Epicurus
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
-- James Thurber
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
-- Benjamin Franklin
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
-- Yogi Berra
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
-- Joe Louis
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
-- Joseph Stalin
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
-- Winston Churchill
[On being told that her death was rumored]
With the newspaper strike on, I wouldn't consider dying.
-- Bette Davis
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
-- Woody Allen
It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead your made for life.
-- Jimi Hendrix
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
-- Johnny Carson
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
-- Maurice Maeterlinck
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