| Children Quotes |
Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.
-- James Baldwin
My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn't because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.
-- Bill Cosby
If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
-- Dick Cavett
My kid is a born doctor. Nobody can read anything he writes.
-- Henry Youngman
Lady: “Do you like children?”
W. C. Fields: “I do - if they are properly cooked.”
-- Gus and Tillie (1933)
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
-- Bill Cosby
When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.
-- Robin Williams - Death to Smoochy (2002)
My daughter's not normal. For the prom, she stayed home and field stripped an AK-47.
-- Arnold Schwarzenneger – Last Action Hero (1993)
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
-- Emo Philips
Kids! Ten seconds of joy, thirty years of misery.
-- Tom Arnold - True Lies (1994)
No wonder people are so horrible when they start life as children.
-- Kingsley Amis.
There are only two things a child will share willingly; communicable diseases and its mother's age.
-- Benjamin Spock.
If the kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.
-- Roseanne Barr
Children are nature’s very own form of birth control.
-- Dave Barry – Dave Barry’s Guide to Marriage and/or Sex (1987)
It’s amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner.
-- Ben Berger
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something YOU did."
-- Jack Handy – Deep Thoughts
Blurting out the complete truth is considered adorable in the young, right smack up to the moment that the child says, ‘Mommy, is this the fat lady you can’t stand?’
-- Judith Martin – Miss Manners Guide to Rearing Perfect Children (1985)
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
-- Bill Maher
"Delivery" is the wrong word to describe the childbearing process. Delivery is: "Here's your pizza. Takes 30 minutes or less." "Exorcism," I think, is more apt: "Please! Get the hell out of my body!"
-- Jeff Stilson
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
-- Phyllis Diller
As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russel, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest."
-- Bill Cosby
Click here to send these Children Quotes to a friend!
|
|
|
|
