[Nielsen tells Priscilla Presley about a past girlfriend]
Frank Drebin: I'd known her for years…Oh, how I loved her, but she had her music. She hung out with the Chicago male chorus and symphony. I don't recall her playing an instrument or being able to carry a tune, yet she was on the road 300 days a year. I bought her a harp for xmas. She asked me what it was...
Frank: It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.
[Lt. Frank Drebin describes Prescilla Presley]
Her hair was the color of gold in old paintings. She had a full set of curves and the kind of legs you'd kinda love to suck on for a day. She was giving me a look I could feel in my hip pocket.
Secretary: I’ve heard police work is dangerous.
Drebin: It is, that's why I carry a big gun.
Secretary: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Drebin: I used to have that problem.
Secretary: What did you do about it?
Drebin: I would just think about baseball.
Leslie Nielsen: When I see 5 weirdos stabbing a guy in broad daylight, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy.”
Mayor: That was a Shakespeare In The Park production, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!
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