| Blackadder Quotes |
[Referring to the Whiteadders]
Blackadder: They have one great redeeming feature; their wallets. More capacious than an elephant's scrotum and just as difficult to get your hands on.
Flashheart: She's got a tongue like an electric eel and she likes the taste of a man's tonsils.
Melchett: If you come back with the information, Captain Darling will pump you thoroughly in the debriefing room.
Blackadder: I'm as poor as a church mouse, that's just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese.
The Ambassador: I hate you English. With your boring trousers and your shiny toilet paper and your ridiculous preconceptions that Frenchmen are great lovers. I'm French and I'm hung like a baby carrot and a couple of petits pois.
Blackadder: I know from long experience all my men have the artistic talent of a cluster of colour-blind hedgehogs in a bag.
Queenie: Did you miss me, Edmund?
Edmund Blackadder: Madam, life without you was like a broken pencil...Pointless
George: I love good old Chaplin, don't you Cap?
Edmund: Unfortunately, no, George. I find his films as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and then discovering there's a gas bill tied to it!
Blackadder: A man may fight for many things. His country, his friends, his principles, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.
Flashheart: Hey Melchie! Still worshipping God? Last time I heard, he was worshipping me!
Blackadder: Bloody explorers, ponce off to Mumbo Jumbo land, come home with a tropical disease, a suntan and a bag of brown lumpy things, and Bob's your uncle, everyone's got a picture of them in lavatory.
Blackadder: There hasn't been a war run this badly since Olaf the hairy, King of all the vikings, ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside.
Blackadder: As my tutor, old bubble face, used to say: "make love and be merry, for tomorrow you may catch some disgusting skin disease."
Edmund Blakadder: Bob, you're a girl, and you have the same talent for disguise as a giraffe in sunglasses trying to get into a polar-bears-only golf club
George: Now I've got my lovely fire I'm happy as a Frenchman who's invented a pair of self-removing trousers.
Flashheart: If word gets out that I'm missing, 500 girls will kill themselves and I wouldn't want them on my conscience - not when they ought to be on my face!
Flashheart: Treat your kite like you treat your woman... Get inside her five times a day and take her to Heaven and back
Edmund: Mrs. M., if we were the last three humans on earth, I'd be trying to start a family with Baldrick.
Blackadder: Something is always wrong, Balders. The fact that I am not a millionaire aristocrat with the sexual capacity of a rutting rhino is a constant niggle.
Melchett: If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through.
Blackadder: Ha! I laugh at danger and drop ice cubes down the vest of fear.
Blackadder: You're the worst entertainer since St. Paul the Evangelist toured Palestine with his trampoline act.
Bishop: You see, I am a colossal pervert. No form of sexual depravity is too low for me. Animal, vegetable or mineral, I'll do anything to anything.
Blackadder: Ah - fine words for a Bishop. Nice to hear the Church speaking out for a change on social issues.
Flashheart: Enter the man who wears no underwear, ask me why! [why do wear no underwear Lord Flash?] Because the pants havn't been built yet that can take the job on!
Blackadder: I've no desire to hang around with a bunch of upper-class delinquents, do twenty minutes' work and then spend the rest of the day loafing about in Paris drinking gallons of champagne and having dozens of moist, pink, highly experienced French peasant girls galloping up and down my - hang on...
Flashheart: That's how I like my girls...straight and to my point!
[To a whore]
Blackadder: Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther.
Blackadder: He's got a brain the size of a weasel's wedding tackle.
Blackadder: Your brain's so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.
Blackadder: Baldrick, your about as useful as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest!
Prince George: To me, Blackadder, socks are like sex. Tons of it about, and I never seem to get any.
Blackader: Baldric, you have the intellectual capacity of a dirty potato.
Blackader: Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I'd wanted to talk to a vegetable, I'd have bought one at the market.
Percy: The streets have never been so gay. Women are laughing, children are singing...oh, look! Look! There's a man being indecently assaulted by nine foreign sailors...and he's *still* got a smile on his face!
Edmund Blackaddar: Honestly, Baldrick, sometimes I feel like a pelican. No matter where I turn, I've still got an enormous bill in front of me
Flashheart: Well, well, well, if it isn't captain slackbladder.
Blackadder is © of BBC and related entitites. This page of blackadder quotes is not authorised, nor is it affiliated with the BBC. Please
visit the BBC official Blackadder Website
Click here to send these Blackadder Quotes to a friend!
|
|
|
|
