| Stewie Griffin Quotes |
Stewie is the delightfully evil baby from Family Guy.
Stewie: I love God. He's so deliciously evil.
[watching cheerleaders changing in a locker room]
Stewie: It appears my wee-wee's been stricken with rigor-mortis.
Meg: Everybody! Guess what I am?
Stewie: Hm, the end result of a drunken back-seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?
Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.
Stewie: Damn you, vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb.
Stewie: There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.
Lois: It's broccoli, it's good for you. Now open up for the airplane.
Stewie: Never! Damn the broccoli, damn you, and damn the Wright brothers!
Stewie: Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.
Meg: Can I be in the play, Mom?
Stewie: Oh yes, you can be the dumpy teenage girl who cries backstage because no one finds her attractive.
Stewie: By all means, turn me into a child star. Perhaps I can move to Californiay and wrangle me a three-way with the Olsen twins.
Stewie: For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!
Stewie Griffin (picking a booger): Does this not disgust you?
Brian: Kid, you're talkin' to a guy who uses his tongue for toilet paper.
[Lois is washing Stewie's hair in the sink]
Stewie Griffin: Careful. It's 'gently rub the scalp', not 'scrub like you're trying to get the vomit out of a Christmas dress', you stupid holiday drunk.
Stewie: Am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? A little service here.
Stu: Isn't it funny how they say "life is like a box of chocolates"? Well in your case, dear mother, life is like a box of active grenades!
Stewie Griffin: Did you forge my name? How dare you! Is this backwards "S" supposed to be cute? I'm going to crap double for you tonight.
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