| Paul Merton Quotes |
On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't he said, 'Do you mind if I mug you here?'.
I wonder why all the men in Iraq have black moustaches? They can't all think it suits them.
[talking about Fergie, Duchess of York]
She's in an old nursey rhyme isn't she? The Duchess of York, she had ten thousand men. And when they were up, they were up...and when they were only halfway up she was more than happy.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.
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