It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day just exactly fits in the newspaper.
Let me ask you something -- if someone's lying, are their pants really on fire?
I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not the color, but to accept God's final decision on where your lips end.
Introducing 'Lite' - The new way to spell 'Light', but with twenty per cent fewer letters.
Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?
If the cops arrest a mime artist, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
What’s another word for thesaurus?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Now why does moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time? When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse and say, 'Let us in! We're all wearing leather!'
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
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