| Fred Allen Quotes |
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Committee, n.: A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group
decide that nothing can be done.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange.
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
In 39 someone asked Dr. Gaffney Fluff about the practical purpose for his fission research. The doctor said "Well, you never know when someone may come in and want half an atom."
He's so small, he's a waste of skin.
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style. It will look ridiculous year after year.
He was so narrow minded, that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes.
The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.
What’s on your mind? If you’ll forgive the overstatement.
To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it.
An actor's success has the life expectancy of a small boy about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
The people here [hollywood] seem to live in a little world that shuts out the rest of the universe and everyone appears to be faking life. The actors and writers live in fear, and nothing, including the houses, seems permanent.
Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done.
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there
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