| David Brent Quotes |
The Office Quotes by David Brent
Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning
on than illumination.
Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue.
You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.
There's good news and bad news. The bad news is that Neil will be taking over both branches, and some of you will lose your jobs. Those of you who are kept on will have to relocate to Swindon, if you wanna stay. I know, gutting. On a more positive note, the good news is, I've been promoted, so... every cloud.
There are limits to my comedy. There are things I'll never laugh at. The handicapped. Because there's nothing funny about them. Or any deformity. It's like when you see someone look at a little handicapped fella and go, 'Ooh, look at him, he's not able-bodied. I am, I'm prejudiced.' Yeah well, at least the little handicapped fella is able-minded. Unless he's not, it's difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones.
Life is just a series of peaks and troughs. And you don’t know whether you’re in a trough until you’re climbing out, or on a peak until you’re coming down. And that’s it you know, you never know what’s round the corner. But it’s all good. ‘If you want the rainbow, you’ve gotta put up with the rain.’ Do you know which philosopher said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she’s just a big pair of tits.
When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
Never do today that which will become someone else's responsibility tomorrow.
If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
You don't have to be mad to work here, in fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.
Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency — welcome to a day in the average office.
There may be no 'I' in team but there's a 'me' if you look hard enough
If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting,nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess you’re trying to get them sacked.
Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
Managing a Premiership football team is a bit like running a successful paper merchants.
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